How to choose the right therapist?
Although I am a certified practitioner, I still go to therapy myself. Practicing, while working on your own practice improvement and biases, is a lifelong journey. So the question - how to choose the right therapist is so important. Going down the route of doing therapy can be overwhelming. Where do you start? How do you know you will click with the person you have chosen? Even if it is a recommendation from a friend or colleague, what works for them may not work for you.
Most therapists and practitioners do offer a one off session that is free or at a heavily discounted rate, so the 2 of you can meet and see if there is a vibe. I call it a ‘vibe’ because establishing a safe environment and trust between practitioner and client is so important. At the end of the day, the client is expected to be able to bare their heart and soul to the therapist, so there 100% needs to be a positive feeling between the two of them when they have a session. Trust is built over time of course but the feeling of being in a safe space, where there is zero judgement and an overall supportive atmosphere is the most important 1st step.
First attempts
We come to the point of different approaches working for different people. When I first went to therapy back in the day, I did not know what to expect to be honest. Nowadays people are much more educated either through friends, family or colleagues. When I tried the first time, I had only watched therapists in movies, and I had some Beautiful Mind scenario playing in my head, what to expect from my session. Mind blowing discoveries about myself day 1, deep, deep conversations, telepathic connections? Who knew. Easy to say, my first session was a little underwhelming based on my Hollywood standard level of expectation. There was a little more admin and a little less thrill. I did not click with my first therapist, it was nobody’s fault, I just do not like when people quote psychology books and theories to me and try to fit me and my life in a paragraph. I only lasted this one session.
I gave up on therapy for a few years. Then the moment came where I knew I needed help. I was suffering paralyzing anxiety and mild panic attacks. At that point I knew that I need to look for someone with a specific profile. I asked around. I spoke to friends whom I believed I had a similar personality to and one day I got given the name of the first therapist that rocked my world (almost like in a movie).
Gender
I was a little sceptical because he was male. I just thought I would not feel comfortable opening up to a man, or maybe he would not understand me? However, from the first time I sat in his arm chair and we started talking, I knew this was the guy for the job. He listened more than he spoke. But when he did speak, he pointed me in the direction that I needed. From this point onwards I knew gender did not make a difference for me.
Approach
Therapy is a wide term, covering so many different approaches and schools of thoughts. Nowadays, there are a lot of traditional therapists mixing it up with some alternative methodologies as well, making the field an ocean of opportunities to find the right approach for you. If I have to be honest I like a bit of a mix bag methodologies when it comes to me going to therapy. This is because when I practice coaching and therapy with my clients, I try to adapt as much as possible to the person sitting in front of me and what the best outcome for them is in that moment.
The process
When I have needed to see a therapist in the past, going through the tough times, I have also had some really unfortunate or unproductive encounters. The reality of good therapy is that it gets bad, then it gets worse before you start getting better. Digging into deeply rooted issues is not an easy or pleasant process. So, I think in order to choose the right therapist, you need to be prepared for the fact that parts of the sessions are going to be tough. Good therapists will always warn you about that, so you are not surprised by the overwhelming emotions that may surface during or after your sessions. My personal preferences are therapists that take notes. I hate having to repeat myself in multiple sessions. As we have limited time together, I like to make the most out of it, so I do not appreciate having to go over stories multiple times.
Availability
I have learnt through time that I prefer face to face sessions for myself. I do not mind providing virtual sessions to my clients but I find the personal aspect works better many times. Also, I think it is important to work with a therapist that has the right level of availability for your needs. Having consistency in therapy especially when you are in the thick of it is important (IMO).
Pricing
Well, we cannot not talk about pricing. Therapists charges vary from 10s of £/hour to 100s of £/hour. It is important to choose a therapist that fits within your budget. Alternatively, if you have private medical insurance in the UK or Europe, you may be able to cover a number of sessions through your plan but you need to check with your insurance provider for the terms of your policy.
Red flags in therapy
Again, as therapists can come from a variety of backgrounds and school of thought, so it may be difficult to create a one size fits all, however there are certain red flags that are pretty universal.
The most obvious one is crossing the client/therapist boundary in any shape or form. When a person is seeking therapy, they are usually in a vulnerable position and a therapist should never try to take advantage of the situation. Examples can be breaking confidentiality, talking about other clients, any form of flirtatious approaches, trying to ‘sell’ a solution or enforcing a certain behaviour on the client.
Another more subtle one is giving guarantees for the outcome. Therapy is an ongoing process, the human mind is complex, environment changes and all a therapist can do is support you as an individual on that journey.
Having little to no structure during the sessions, and you do not feel like you are making progress. As much as a therapist is meant to keep you comfortable, they also need to lead the relationship and guide you on your journey. If you see little structure to your encounters, it feels too conversational, no notes are taken* and no follow up is seen during the next session, I would say you should reconsider if you are spending money on the right therapist. Therapy should feel like a little bit of work, not like having coffee with a friend. At the end of the day going through tough emotions requires work to go through them, work with them and outgrow them.
(*some therapist write their notes post the session, as they prefer to be fully present during the conversation but you should notice follow up either way during the next session)I hope this article is helpful. Finding the right therapist can truly change a person’s life. I have learnt a lot from going to therapy, learning about it and also practicing it. So I hope you find the right fit for you and are making the first step to a new you.